Just a quick post - really weird and unusual flashbacks today.
My normal flashbacks are either snippets of events or a full bown vivid and sensory account of a specific assault.
Today - just weird - keep having kind of immediate post assult flashbacks where i am either nursing injuries, looking for my clothes or just looking confused. This is completely new and the normal terror feelings straight after a flashback are not there, just an overwhelming desire to grab the kid and take her out of the situation and even to kind of tell her to stay strong. One particular flashback was of me trying to ride home on my bike and not being able to - these are really confusing, i look too vulnerable and its way too deep and i could nearly cry for the kid and its as if i want to talk to her.
What is just way to strange as well is i have been trying to read a book - The courage to heal - Ellen Bass & Laura Davis - and not really getting as much from it as i hoped (i want a sort of car maintainance book where it tells you to unsrew the parts, lift out the gasket and replace, job done and you are fixed!) but anyhow, it talks about the "child within" and getting in touch with it - kind of doesn't do it for me but i guess this might come close to it. Doesn't kind of sit right though so lets hope these flashbacks pass through pretty quick.
I had all the tunes on my computer on random play today and This came on - i normally associate this with the day my nan died last year - it was on the car stereo just after i heard she had passed away and its kind of always stuck with me, but today when i heard it, in the middle of flashback city it kind of made me think of mini me and how i was looking in the flashbacks.
Hi Live-to-fly
ReplyDeleteI think its awesome that you are sharing your very private journey with people.
Btw - makes me smile when you say "mini me" when refering to yourself as a child.